Turkey Day '19
by TFSyndicate
Summary: We gather together to watch cheesy movies/With TFSyndicate and all of our friends/At Mystery Science (gasp) Theater 3000/Cause we're the biggest fans and we love Turkey Day! (Featuring OCs and characters from Clerks, Steven Universe, Gorillaz, Rick and Morty and of course, MST3K)
1. The Crawling Eye

**Good evening. I'm Dr. Clayton Forrester, and for the next 13 days, you will join me, TV's Frank, Joley-poley and those idiotic tin cans of his…for a non-stop potpourri of the _worst movies ever made _in Dr. Forrester's Turkey Day Film Festival! Thirteen days, thirteen turkeys, twenty six hours of the best…no…ONLY alternative to football!**

Hey, Dr. F! Whatcha working on?

**Not now, Frank.**

What does this button do?

**FRANK!**

Uh oh…

**Damn it, Frank. Do you even know what you've _done_? You've transmitted my film festival to everywhere _but_ Joel!**

Geez. Sorry, Dr. F!

**I bet it's aimed toward all the other satellites, overriding the regularly scheduled programming on TV stations all over the world…WAIT! Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Frank?**

Uh… You want I should shut off the machines?

**NO! That would be a waste of money in and of itself! I was thinking of tracing the redirected signals and seeing how the masses are dealing with the…interruptions!**

Hey that's great! You go ahead, I'm gonna go turn on the football game.

**He'll realize in a second.**

What happened to the football game?!

**I'm sorry, Frank, but the signals have affected Deep 13 as well. You're gonna have to dig out your electric football set and…watch that.**

You know what, Dr. F? I _will_ take part in your little film festival!

**Oh come now, Frank. It's not really a film festival. It's just another science experiment gone awry.**

But it _is_ called "Dr. Forrester's Turkey Day Film Festival"!

**Okay, so it _is_ a film festival. Besides, with Thanksgiving round the corner, I suppose Joel and those bots of his could use the break. Let them eat their turkeys and watch them some other day.**

I like the cut of your gib, Dr. F! So what's on first?

**Oh, you're really gonna hate this one, Frank. It's called _The Crawling Eye_! One of the very first films I subjected to Joel!**

Oh BOY!

**And as for you, the folks at home, enjoy the movie. Or don't. The Turkey Day Film Festival has just begun.**

* * *

_As much as we love posting here on FanFiction, the best way to enjoy this ride would be on DeviantArt; complete with links to the MST3K episodes featured in each chapter. WE GOT FANFIC SIGN!_


	2. Bride of the Monster

**It's Day 2 in the Turkey Day Countdown! Fasten your seatbelt, it's gonna be a bumpy night!**

* * *

Today was, for once, a _true_ off-day for Dante. Instead of having to wake up early to open the local convenience store, he slept in. At around noon, Dante then went to hang at the video store next door, where his 'friend' Randal worked. It was a slow day. But then again, so was the last day Dante was called in to work.

Randal sat behind his counter, his eyes fixated at the badly-damaged black-and-white celluloid image on the TV screen hanging from the ceiling. He paused a moment to watch Dante come in and watch the film with him from the other side of the counter.

"What's on?" Said Dante, bored out of his skull.

"_Bride of the Monster_," said Randal.

"Didn't you say there was supposed to be a _Star Wars_ marathon today?"

"That's what I thought. Look…"

Randal picked up a remote and pointed it at the TV screen. He pushed a button with the intent to change the channel. A display on the screen indicated he had done so successfully, but the content on that channel was the same as the one before it; and so was the next channel up, and the next one. Randal, his point proven, put the remote down.

"I called the TV company," he explained, "They don't know what the hell is going on.

"Buncha savages in this town," Dante groaned.

"You think? Looks like whatever's going on here is beyond their control. I bet _some_one must've found a way to hack into satellites and force them to make us watch crappy movies."

"Who would want to make us watch old Ed Wood movies?" Dante was genuinely befuddled.

"Probably our old high school lunch lady," Randal guessed, "We used to watch s*** like this on rainy days."

"Really? You think the _lunch lady_ is behind all this?"

"That wasn't even my first guess!"

"Which was?"

"A mad scientist trying to make us do his bidding through bad movies."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"

"I know. That's why I stuck with the lunch lady theory."

_Home? I have no home. Hunted, despised, living like an animal!_

Randal broke the ice after a short while of taking in the movie with Dante, seeing as they both had nothing else to do.

"D'you suppose this would've been a better movie if it was made on a higher budget and without all that executive compromise?"

"Where did you get that idea?" Said Dante.

"That Burton movie _Ed Wood_ was on last night and it got me thinking," Randal explained, "If Ed Wood had more money to work with at the start, I bet we'd see Dolores Fuller in Loretta King's shoes!"

"Who was Dolores again?"

"Wood's then-girlfriend. She was promised the lead role, but was later demoted to a cameo," Randal took a swig from his bottle of Gatorade and continued, "Now Tony McCoy, he can't act, but he's in the movie because Wood was paid to do so."

"Who would you've cast?"

"I'd definitely see ol' burn boy Jay in that guy's shoes!"

"No no. Someone from _that_ period."

"Oh. Frank Sinatra."

"Why him?"

"What? He can be in _From Here to Eternity _and _Manchurian Candidate _but he can't be in _Bride of the Monster_?"

Dante sighed, "Yeah, that was a stupid question. You know movies better than I."

"Meh, don't go hard on yourself. That's what I'm here for."

"Since we're on the subject, would you be comfortable seeing Vincent Price in the Lugosi role?"

"F*** no," said Randal, bluntly.

"What?"

"Well don't get me wrong, Vincent Price was great in the movies he was in, but Bela Lugosi pretty much nailed his role. He's the glue that's holding the whole thing together! No Lugosi, no monster!"

Dante couldn't think of anything to say in retort: he had no other choice but to admit that Randal was right. Eventually, the movie ended.

"Well that wasn't so bad!" said Dante, who never saw an Ed Wood film before.

"Yep," said Randal, "They do get better overtime. Now what?"

Suddenly, color filled the black-and-white-ly environment that was a local video store somewhere in New Jersey.

**Greetings, my puny couch potatoes! It is I, your future lord and master, Dr. Clayton Forrester! I've hope you found that turkey of a movie _much_ worse than the thing you were planning on watching! We'll be hosting another, even worse, stinker of a film the same time tomorrow. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.**

_No, no, Me-sa stay! Me-sa called Jar Jar Binks! Me-sa your humble servant!_

Dante and Randal screamed.

"AAHHHH! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!"

Randal found the right button on the remote, and the TV shut off and fell to silence.

"Whew," they both went.

"Same time tomorrow?" Dante asked as he prepared to leave.

"Only if you're not supposed to be here!" Randal chuckled.


	3. Earth vs the Spider

**So what do I say? Day #3 in the Turkey Day Countdown? Okay, and how much time do I have? Four seconds? Hi you're...aw shoot.  
**_The following is set some time in the two year gap between between "Change Your Mind" and "The Movie"._

* * *

"STEVEN! You gotta help us! Something's wrong with the TV!"

"Peridot, we live in the same house now. You don't have to use the webcam."

"_Pleeaassee?_"

"Okay, I'll be right down."

Steven ran down the stairs as quick as he could, but slower than the usual quick. Some of the newly de-corrupted gems that have taken residence in their new beach house are so small, that they are easy miss: Yesterday, he accidentally stepped on one and POOF!

A big flatscreen sat against the side of the stairs. It was bigger than the old one to allow for more gems to be able to see the picture without looking over the others' heads. A whole slew of gems, some new faces and others familiar, sat before the flatscreen in anticipation, with Peridot standing in front.

Peridot, worried, explained.

"I was preparing to subject our new house dwellers to the wonders of life in the form of _Camp Pining Hearts_! There was supposed to be a 'marathon' of every 'episode' ever made that was supposed to begin at 1300 hours on Channel 22. It's now 1315 hours, and all I'm getting is _this_!"

Peridot showed Steven the screen, which, instead of _Camp Pining Hearts_, showed a truly terrible movie.

"Can't you just dig out the box of tapes?" said Steven.

"Lapis accidentally damaged the box when she dropped the barn on Blue Diamond," Peridot groaned, "Besides, there's no VCR on this thing."

There was a knock on the front door, to which Steven turned and went to answer. It was Ronaldo.

"Universe!" Said Ronaldo in excitement, "Is your TV acting up too?"

"You mean playing that bad movie on every channel simultaneously?"

Ronaldo nodded, "YES! And I think I know what's going on this time!"

Steven could've groaned and just stood there watching Ronaldo's mouth blab on and on about some crazy conspiracy he came up with—which usually had something to do with the gems. But considering how right Ronaldo turned out to be in the long run, Steven decided to actually listen.

"To my surprise, this doesn't even have anything to do with aliens!" Ronaldo continued, "It's the work of an evil mad scientist trying to rot our brains through the use of—get this—the _worst movies ever made_!"

"Humor us," said Steven, "Where did you learn about this?"

"The evil scientist actually introduced himself at the end of the film he showed yesterday! I didn't catch his name, but 'mad' was written _all_ over him!"

Steven's pupils shrank. This _was_ serious!

"I guess we have no choice but to watch the movie," Steven sighed, "You wanna watch with us?"

"Oh _boy_!" Ronaldo ran inside, "I'll make some popcorn!"

Steven allowed the door to swing shut behind him, but then heard another knock from the other side, and opened it again. This time it was Former Mayor/Donut Man Dewey.

"Mayor Dewey?"

"Hey, lil' Steven. Is Pearl around?"

Steven rolled his eyes, "Nah. She's out hunting for more corrupted gems with the other Pearls. You wanna come in and watch a movie?"

"What's on?"

"_Earth vs. the Spider_!"

"No thanks, Universe. I saw that movie before. Just thinking about it gives me bad memories of robots and cheese for reasons I _really_ don't wanna delve into right now. If anything, I'd rather watch a little known morsel called _Earth vs. Soup_."

"Oh. Okay."

Steven shut the door and went back to where the TV was. He sat down with Peridot and his new gem friends and began to watch the movie.


	4. Gamera

**Hi, you're reading the TFSyndicate Turkey Day Countdown! Turkey Fact #12: Turkeys are filled with enough L Tryptophan to knock you on your sorry Thanksgiving ass! (****_CROW!_****)**

* * *

Rick came home from another Thanksgiving dinner. There are a gazillion planets in the multiverse, many of which have their own versions of Thanksgiving, and Rick was invited to half of them (he gatecrashed the other half). Fortunately for him, the next dinner was in two days, giving him today to relax on the couch and watch TV.

A fresh Xanthenite crystal was placed into…place on the cable box. All the TV channels from all over the multiverse (especially HBO and Showtime) were at his disposal. Before Rick could settle in, his daughter Beth came in with the phone in her hand.

"Dad, it's for you," she said, handing Rick the handset.

"Hello? Hey! Happy Thanksgiving to you too! Uh-huh. Yeah. Huh. What? Really? Meh. Same to you."

Rick tossed away the handset, in a way that made it land perfectly on the phone's main console, and turned on the TV. Grandson Morty sat down next to him on the couch.

"Who was that, Rick?" said Morty.

"One of my old college dormies found a way to override TV signals to make them play old movies!"

"You gonna watch?"

"Maybe…Unless the channels we get from the other dimensions aren't effected. LeURRPt's see what we got."

Rick jockeyed the TV remote and push a couple random buttons. Starting with the local channels, the duo stumbled upon an ism-laiden science fiction movie that looked like a knock-off of E.T.

_Trumpy! You can do magic!_

"Ugh. Reminds me of that memory I removed from Jerry," Rick took a swig from his flask as he spoke.

*CLICK* went the TV to another channel from another dimension, then another, and a few more until he settled on a conclusion.

"Yup, just as I thought. Infinite timelines, and 75% of them, he hacks the channels to play his cheesy movies."

"Geez," said Morty, "How do you know this guy?"

"Who? Clay? We took the same science and film classes together back at the university. I must admit he has a niche taste in movies, but we gotta respect him for that," *CLICK* "Huh, this looks good!"

_HIkeeba! HUP! (thud)_

Laughter. Then boredom. *CLICK*

_The spirit of music's inside all of you! In you, in you…in _all_ of you!_

"UGH! Next." *CLICK*

_Hey Mharti! Lick my balls!_

"AAUUGGHHHH! CHANGE IT! CHANGE IT!" *CLICK*

(huff huff huff) "I think I might need to bleach my eyes out, Morty!"

"Yeah, Rick. That one hURRPit too close to home."

"C'mon, let's give it one more shot."

_Don't shoot Gamera! Gamera is good!_

"Huh! This looks like something I could get behind, Rick!"

"You're right Morty. What could go wrong with a product of the giant monster movie craze that took Japan by storm back in the day?"

"So what do you say? You wanna stick with _Gamera_ for a bit?"

"I'll watch anything with you, Morty. No matter what dimension it's from!"

"_Gamera_ it is."


	5. The Day the Earth Froze

**It's our fifth day in on the Turkey Day Countdown by TFSyndicate! Have you looked in on your family lately?**

* * *

**LIVE VIA SATELLITE**

**(Ah, that's good, Cyborg. Keep it right there.) HELL-o! This is me, Murdoc Nicalls from Gorillaz! We're here to wish you a happy Turkey Day with all the stuffing, the mash, and of course the turkeys. And by turkeys, of course, we mean _bad_ movies! UGH! Why the f*** are we doing this, D? We don't even _celebrate_ Thanksgiving: we celebrate the Harvest, and that was two _months_ ago!**

I fink it go' out that yewwa a bit ovva ffan of Mystewy Science Featuh.

**Oh yes, right. Russel converted his tape collection to PAL just so we could watch them back at Kong. _Those_ were the days, eh?**

Din we used to wite wettuhs for fem to wead on tha air?

**Well _you_ did. They never read them, 'cause you're a git.**

Fey nevah wed yours either.

**All right, cheeky chops. Let's drop it. Anyway, they want us to introduce the next film for the folks at home to watch for their Countdown or whatever they're calling it.**

Shun we act wike that evul mad scientiss is contwullin the airwaves and _making_ us watch these moovees?

**No. Absolutely not. I read those previous chapters, and the way those were pulled off? Rubbish. Got repetitive _very_ quick.**

So wot shud we do?

**We're gonna do it _my _way, because Gorillaz is _my band_! (AHEM you can cut that out, can you Cyborg?) ANYWAY, coming up is a Russian piece of rubbish—Russ-bish if you will—called _The Day The Earth Froze_; and good luck tryin' to figure out what a SAMPO is, because hell if 2D knows!**

Wot _is_ a SAMPO, Murduc?

**I haven't the foggiest idea myself.**

'Appy Turkey Day, everywon!

**Keep circulating the tapes!™ You too, Russel! Mwaaaaa!**


	6. Lost Continent

**Hi, you're reading the TFSyndicate Turkey Day Countdown! Turkey Fact #12: If you leave turkeys out in the rain, they'll drown! Stupid jerks...**

* * *

**Welcome back, my unwilling test subjects that is the public! We're half way through Dr. Forrester's Turkey Day Film Festival, and the ratings are already through the Deep 13 roof! Looks like Frank's little mistake wasn't such a mistake after all!**

Hey, doc? What was that thing that that Bob Ross guy used to say? How they're not mistakes, but…something else?

**Frank, a mistake is a mistake! What else can it be?**

Anyway, I better get back to the turkey. Our guests will be here any minute!

**Okay, go ahead…WHAT GUESTS?!**

C'mon, Dr. F! You know Turkey Day is in actuality just another way of saying Thanksgiving; and what's a Thanksgiving without guests?

**Frank, it's times like this that make me want to kill you again.**

Well, you can do that later. Right now I got a turkey to check.

**Oh, how can this day get any worse?**

*DING DONG*

**Frank, could you get that? Frank? UGH, do I really have to do everything around here? I'm coming, I'm coming.**

If it's Jerry and Sylvia, tell them we got enough dirt as it is!

_Happy Thanksgiving, Dr. Forrester!_

**Oh great. It's Jack Perkins…**

_Jerry and Sylvia send you their warmest regards, but unfortunately, they were already invited to another Thanksgiving party, closer to the center of the Earth!_

**That's okay, we don't need any more soil right now.**

_Ah, don't worry about that, Clayton. _They_ didn't!_

**Not that I really care, but have you been enjoying the Film Festival experiment?**

_Your curated selections, your taste in bad movies in general, and the way they fit into the otherwise regularly scheduled programming… They make up what I think the best TV and Crossover fanfictions have to offer; and some may even say that they're the _only_ thing TV and Crossover fanfictions have to offer!_

**Perkins, overriding TV signals worldwide…**

JACK PERKINS! Good to see you!

_Hello, TV's Frank! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!_

**Frank, Perkins, your welcome-I-haven't-seen-you-in-years mushy-mush can wait. _As I was saying_: overriding TV signals worldwide is only the beginning. People are enjoying the films I've been showing them, but not the way I _want_ them to enjoy them. They're like Joel and the 'bots: too clever and underestimatable! Therefore, I'm taking to Phase 2: If they can handle watching bad movies, let's see them _in_ bad movies! Push the button, Frank!**

Sure, boss. Whatever you say. There. It's pushed. Happy now?

**I'm never happy, Frank. Why do they call me a _mad_ scientist? HUH? Now Phase 2 will take a while to warm up, so I'm gonna subject you to one more film before you find yourself living in one. Perkins?**

_Thank you. This next film is entitled _Lost Continent_ featuring Ceaser Romero, Rock climbing, Hillary Brooke, Chick Chandler, Rock climbing, John Hoyt and the best moments of rock climbing ever documented on film! And later, President Donald Trump will be here to talk about how well he's taking his own impeachment hearings and whether or not he's off his meds. Then J'nette, the Queen of the Universe, will arrive with her own Thanksgiving wishes before departing for another planet in the solar system to wish them a happy Thanksgiving-equivalent. We'll meet with Bill Dewey, the former mayor of Beach City, in an exclusive Where Are They Now investigative report. And then…Topal will be out to _OW!

**That's it, Jack, you're on a time out.**


	7. Time of the Apes

**You're reading TFSyndicate's Turkey Day Countdown! If you're following, this is a good time to comment!**

* * *

Dante woke up. He reached forward to grab the phone that was ringing, but he couldn't find it. He couldn't remember when he changed its ringtone from the dull, boring ring to that of forest sounds. He rubbed his eyes clear, and opening them wide, he found that it wasn't a ringtone at all! He woke up in an actual forest, seemingly miles from civilization.

He wondered how he got there. Maybe he hitched a ride home with a trucker and got ditched because he wouldn't give the trucker "head". Maybe he had a few too many at the party last night. Everything was a blur to him. Dante walked forward onto an old dirt path in front of him, as he tried to figure out where he was exactly and what was going on.

The first modern-looking thing he came upon was a bridge, made of wood planks, cables and steel girders. While Dante took his time, three children ran past him in a hurry.

"There's a bridge there!" one of the children said, at least that's what Dante heard: the way he spoke and moved his mouth looked like he was in a badly dubbed Japanese film.

"Let's try and cross it," another child said in the same manner.

Dante followed the children from behind. Maybe they could help him get back to Jersey.

"Excuse me!" Dante called out, grabbing the children's attention, "Where are you going?"

"We're hiding!" said the boy.

"From them!" said the younger girl, pointing back toward the forest.

"Be quiet or they'll hear you," said the older girl.

Just then, noises could be heard from within the forest.

"Did you see them? They disappeared! Come! This way!"

"HIDE!" The children screamed.

Dante followed the children to the underside of the bridge and grabbed ahold of one of the supporting girders. He didn't know what they were hiding from, let alone _why_ they were hiding. Forest rangers, officials, maybe, Dante thought.

Marching footsteps could be heard and felt on the floorboards above Dante and the children. Dante didn't want to be part of the fugitive crowd: he thought about letting go from the girder and catching up with what he could only assume to be guards, telling them his predicament, and hope they would lead him in the right direction.

Unfortunately, instead of voluntarily letting go, Dante's fingers slipped from the girder, as a result of the tremor caused by the marching above. He fell down the hill, towards a lake at the bottom of the ravine that the bridge crossed. The guards on the bridge looked over one side to see where the falling noise was coming from.

"There's one," one guard said.

The kids, seeing as the guards were distracted by the adult's (supposed) sacrifice, continued working their way across the underside of the bridge, while the guards themselves ran off the bridge and down the hill, coming to Dante's aid. Or so Dante thought.

Dante, knocked out a bit from his fall, opened his eyes to get a good look of his supposed rescuers. He was shocked by what he saw. These guards weren't men. They weren't even _human_! They were giant apes!

* * *

Randal found himself walking around a dark warehouse. Last night, he _was_ drunk, no doubt about it. He needed to find a way out badly. There was a video store that needed opening, a bladder that needed emptying, and a mother that needed a phone call. The warehouse was so dark that poor Randal couldn't see where he was going: every once in a while, he found himself bumping into a wall or a box or whatever was lying around.

Suddenly, Randal heard first footsteps, then a motor starting. To his delight, the warehouse people were finally alerted of his presence and sent someone to find him and escort him outside. Randal followed the source of the noise. Rounding a corner, he saw a pair of headlights rushing towards him: a vehicle of some sort. The lights and the motor's noise got brighter and louder as it approached Randal. He stood there, awaiting a warm welcome and directions out of the warehouse.

The vehicle did not slow down. It ran straight into him. Randal would've been hit, flattened, impaled or worse, killed—had he not have been grabbing ahold of the two metal blades that stuck out of the front of the vehicle. With all is might and upper body strength, Randal pushed against the vehicle—a forklift—to a slow stop, before it could touch the wall behind him.

Randal stepped sideways out of the forklift's way, then walked forward to the cab. The motor was still on, but no one was driving. Instead, the driver himself made a break for it. With heroic music playing in his head, Randal pursued his assailant, but they were both running at the same speed. Nobody could catch up with each other. Then Randal got an idea: he climbed up one of the giant storage shelfs that lined the aisles of the warehouse, ran across the top, and met the runner on the other side. Randal was strong, but the worker was stronger.

"Who _are_ you?" Randal demanded, "_What_ are you?"

The worker turned around and grabbed Randal by the throat, lifting him at least a foot up into the air. Randal was surprised by what he was _really _dealing with.

"Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty _ape_!"

The ape-man did not comply. He pushed Randal into a steel column behind him. Randal, now unconscious, was tied up and dragged away. At least he was now being lead outside…

* * *

Dante was tied to a tree by his ape captors. From the other side, he could hear grunting and breathing. He was not alone. But Dante had a hunch that the person on the other side of the tree…was someone he knew too well.

"Is that you, Randal?"

"Dante?" Randal gasped, "It was _horrible_! He tried to kill me with a _forklift_!" Olé!

"What is going on here? It looks like we're in the world of…the _Planet of the Apes_!"

"Worse. We're in _Time of the Apes_. It was a Japanese knockoff that was badly dubbed into English by some f*** named Sandy Frank!"

The apes guarding the tree flinched at the last two words Randal said. They approached the two clerks that were tied to the tree, and began fiddling with the ropes.

"No! _Please_! NO!" Randal begged.

But to their surprise, the apes were _freeing _them!

"Stay were you are," said the guard, "The Head Sargent wants to speak with you."

"Who is it?" Dante said.

"Is it Sandy Frank?" Randal added, "If that's the case, then I take back what I just said about him…"

"No," the guard continued, "But is _is_ someone who is as knowledgeable as you are in the field of—what you call—'film', especially the human who goes by Sandy Frank."

"Nice!" said Randal.

He stood with Dante as they waited for the 'Head Sargent' to arrive.


	8. Manos: The Hands of Fate

**Hi! Tom Servo here with a Turkey Day fact! Did you know Puritans used to beat up Quakers? It's true! See you tomorrow!  
**_The following is set during "Legs from Here to Homeworld"._

* * *

Steven and the Crystal Gems and the Diamonds received a warm welcome from the public the moment they arrived on the Homeworld. Making peace with the Yellow and Blue Diamonds was only the beginning. They needed the help of the White Diamond to heal the corrupted Gems back on Earth. The White Diamond's head ship lay just beyond where Steven landed the his mother's old leg ship. The crowd fell to a hush silence as they watch Steven take his first steps toward the head ship.

As he walked, he underwent a strange feeling of deja vu, as he'd been here before, like he spoke with the White Diamond before, and everything went, eventually, smoothly. Steven snapped out of this sense so he could pay attention to what lied before him.

The gems stopped before a Pearl, presumably the White Diamond's. She had all the signs of being the White Diamond's Pearl at least. It was a poorly cared-for Pearl, unfortunately; there was a crack where her right eye should be, and she has trouble standing up straight. When she spoke, her voice was broken, almost as if she didn't know which syllables she had to put emphasis on in her sentences.

"I aM WhItE pEaRl. I tAkE cArE oF tHe PlAcE wHiLe WhItE dIaMoNd Is AwAy."

Nobody present didn't know what to think. Then the White Pearl looked at Connie.

"BuT tHe HuMaN. i DoN't ThInK wHiTe DiAmOnD wOuLd ApPrOvE. mY dIaMoNd DoEs NoT lIkE hUmAnS."

Steven stepped forward and tried to speak to the White Pearl, as slowly and clearly as he could, in hopes that the White Pearl would understand.

"I…am…Steven. My…mother…was…Pink Diamond. Do…you…understand?"

The White Pearl just blinked. 'I guess not,' thought Steven.

"ThErE iS nOtHiNg To FeAr, PiNk," said the White Pearl, "WhItE dIaMoNd LiKeS yOu. YoUr'E hEr FaVoRiTe! NoThInG wIlL hApPeN tO yOu. ShE lIkEs YoU!"

"Well that's…comforting to know, I guess," Steven shrugged.

"YoU sHaLl WaIt InSiDe. I wIlL tElL wHiTe DiAmOnD yOu ArE hErE wHeN sHe CoMeS bAcK."

"Only if I can bring Connie."

The White Pearl looked at Connie and the gems accompanying her. Connie was scared. It was a real shame the Blue Diamond shattered her sword. There was a long pause that followed before the White Pearl spoke again.

"VeRy WeLl," she said, "My DiAmOnD wIlL bE vErY dIsTuRbEd…"

The White Diamond's Pearl turned in the direction of her Diamond's head ship and began to walk. Her walking skills were as bad as her standing and speaking skills. Somehow, creepy looping music would fit her walking nicely…

Steven, Connie, the Crystal Gems and the Diamonds followed the White Pearl to the front of the head ship, then stopped. She turned once more to the party.

"YoU mUsT lEaVe. YoU cAnNoT sTaY. mY dIaMoNd WoUlD nOt ApPrOvE."

This sentence was the one that finally drove Connie over the edge.

"That's it! I can't take this! I didn't even _want_ to come here _again_!"

Steven walked to Connie in attempt to console her.

"Connie what's wrong? It's not my fault they're treating you like an object…What do you mean 'again'?"

"Don't you see? We've been here before! We've put up with this already! We've already got White Diamond's help!"

Connie wasn't breaking down. She was breaking _character_!

"And White Pearl is completely unlike the White Pearl we know already!" Tears began to form in her eyes, "How are we supposed to have a happy Turkey Day…when we have to parody…" The lump in her throat gave way, "_MANOS: THE HANDS OF FAAAAHAAAHAAATEEE_….?!"

At that moment, Steven finally realized what was going on. They _did_ do this before, only deliberately different.

The brightness of Homeworld got brighter and brighter until it was blinding white, and then nothing at all. Steven, Connie and the gems felt weightless for a few seconds, then their feet touched the ground again in a whole different room altogether. Now the Yellow and Blue Diamonds were gone, so was the White Diamond's Pearl. It was just Steven, Connie, Garnet, Amethyst and their Pearl. The area around them looked like a padded cell…with tiny projectors embedded between the paddings. The whole time, they weren't on Homeworld: just a simulation of.

* * *

A door on the side of the cell opened, and in stepped a chubby man with towels in his hands. He approached Steven and company with a shamed smile.

"Hello, I just wanted to say how really sorry we are about making you live through a parody of _Manos: The Hands of Fate_. I mean, I know we're supposed to be making people experience Dr. F's library of bad movies, but this time, even _I_ have to admit we_ really_ went to far."

Frank handed one towel to each member of the party.

"I'm really sorry. Here. Dry yourselves off and come to the main room. The turkey is almost done."


	9. The Corpse Vanishes

**Hi, you're reading the TFSyndicate Turkey Day Countdown! Turkey Fact #12: Turkeys would rather walk through an electric fan than around it; They're just stupid!  
**_J'nette, Queen of the Universe, is an original character appearing under a Creative Commons Attribution license._

* * *

TV's Frank had _quite_ a Thanksgiving feast put together. He felt sorry for the people Dr. Forrester knocked unconscious then drug down to Deep 13 and into simulators to make them relive or parody bad movies—so much that he went out of his way to double the menu! Two bowls of mashed potatoes, four cans of cranberry sauce, one gallon of gravy and _two turkeys_! Another table was bought out and unfolded to accommodate the compensated victims of the experiment.

Talking amongst themselves were the likes of Dante and Randal, Steven and Connie and the Crystal Gems, a plant-man who had a high-brow taste in music, and Jack Perkins.

"This is delicious!" said Dante, trying the turkey, "It's nowhere _near_ the crappy turkey substitute we were stuck with last year!"

"Yep," sand Randal, "We've finally reached a taste of class!"

"And you know what the weirdest part of all this is?"

Randal knew _exactly _what Dante was going to say, so he said it with him.

"_I'm not even supposed to be here today_!"

Meanwhile, Amethyst had the unfortunate honor of being seated next to Perkins and the critic plant. They rambled on and on about the cranberry sauce, among other things.

"Ah, the wonders of Ocean Spray," said Jack, "I think this is about as delicious as a canned cranberry sauce can get!"

Amethyst reached into her gem and pulled out what appeared to be a cattle prod, and poked Perkins with it. A satisfying buzz sounded, but the results left something to be desired.

"Ah, that was about as painful as a cattle prod to the backside can get!"

That wasn't to say the critic plant was interested in what Jack Perkins had to say either. He had better topics of his own to muse over.

In short, everyone was having the time of their lives. Everyone, except for Dr. Forrester.

"This is _terrific_," he sarcastically bemused, "My best experiment was a complete failure, Phase Two turned out to be even worse…"

"But you gotta admit," said Frank, "That you ended up bringing a lot of people together!"

"Oh Frank, sometimes you're so…one-dimensional. Well, at least my _mother_ isn't here to see this."

"You know what? I just spoke to your mother on the phone a minute ago. _She's_ on her way, and she's bringing her monkey and alien friends—I don't remember their names, but they should be here in around another chapter or two."

"WHAT?!" Forrester jumped up, "How could this get any worse?"

A flute sounded, and out of thin air, a strange being appeared: I'm not sure if it's a man or a woman.

"It's me! Mr. B Natural! The spirit of _fun_ in mu—"

Suddenly, something strange, round and green grew from Mr. B. Natural's center, until it severed her in half and disappeared. That caused Dr. Forrester to smile: not because Mr. B. Natural was dead, but he whose green round thing that was! Instantly, Dr. Forrester's day got better.

"Clayton!"

"Rick! What a pleasant surprise! Haven't seen you in a long time."

"Well, you know how it is. Science doesn't rest often. This is my grandson, Morty."

Morty, nervous, waved hello to Rick's former college roommate.

"Alright! Let's go get high on L Tryptophan!" said Rick, as he made his way to the dining room.

Frank looked onward, then walked up to his boss.

"Who was that, boss?"

"Oh, just an old friend of mine. You were right, Frank. This is starting to become a good day after all!"

The doorbell rang, and a familiar, yet faint, looping music could be heard from the other side of the door. Frank went to answer and greet the next guest.

"And it just got worse again…" Dr. Forrester instantly knew who it was.

"TORGO!" said a delighted TV's Frank, "Happy Turkey Day, buddy! How've you been?"

"ThE mAsTeR hAs BeEn KiNd To Me, hE gAvE mE a WeEk OfF," said Torgo.

"Well it's good to see you all the same, Torg!"

"AcTuAlLy, I'vE bEeN sEnT hErE bY aNoThEr MiStReSs, To InTrOdUcE hEr. ShE sEnT mE dOwN hErE. lAdIeS aNd GeNtLeMeN, tHe QuEeN oF tHe EnTiRe UnIvErSe, J'nEtTe!"

Dr. Forrester felt his ears twitch. The _queen_? Of the entire _universe_? _HERE_? Looks like Jack Perkins was right about something for once!

Everyone at the table stood up, faced the door and bowed slightly as the queen made her graceful entrance. Torgo, standing at her side, kissed her gloved arm.

"ThE mAsTeR lOvEs YoU! i LoVe YoU! tHe MaStEr LoVeS yOu!"

"That's it, Torgo—You're fired," said J'nette, sharply.

Torgo made his exit, thus making her presence feel less awkward. The next to shake her hand was Frank.

"Your majesty, It's so great to meet you! Has anyone told you that you look like…"

J'nette let go of Frank's grasp, "DON'T SAY IT! I know who you're thinking of, but don't. I have a restraining order with her name on it."

Frank jumped. Dr. Forrester pulled him back to safety.

"I don't have much time, so let's get this over with. Happy Thanksgiving, blah blah blah. And hello to those who don't really celebrate Thanksgiving but do it anyway. Oh, and enjoy _The Corpse Vanishes_."

The queen looked to her left. There was an elevator.

"Why didn't I see that on the way down here? Stupid Torgo…"

J'nette slid the door open, stepped inside (or floated maybe) and shut the door again. The elevator sprung to life for the first time in years, and just like that, she was gone,

"Woah!" said Randal, "Another Lugosi movie? This must be heaven! Or hell. Either way, Lugosi!"

Dante put a palm to his face.

"I'm not even supposed to be here today…"


	10. It Conquered the World

**It's Day 10 in the Turkey Day Countdown! Remember, the USDA and your agricultural extensions recommend you cook your bird throughly to 140° throughout. Thanks.**

* * *

"Grandpa? Grandpa?"

Typical. Rick took off with Morty and 'forgot' to invite Summer. Not that she wanted to go or anything, but still.

"Oh great," Summer sighed, "He left the TV on again."

Bored, she sat down on the couch, grabbed the remote and started channel surfing. Nothing good seemed to be on. It was almost the same as the other day: all the channels were playing the same movie. But this time, it was the same across _all_ the dimensions reached by Rick's Xanthenite. Even the dimensions where everybody evolved from corn were playing it.

Out of options, Summer put the remote down and pulled out her smartphone, half-paying attention to the movie. A little while later, Jerry came in to see where the noise was coming from.

"Oooooo! A Roger Corman film!" He said enthusiastically.

"You're _like_ Corman?"

"Are you kidding? I've seen _all_ his movies back in my day! Especially the sci-fi ones!"

"You like sci-fi movies, and yet you don't like Rick adventures."

"Because science fiction belongs _in_ fiction, Summer. Not in real life!"

The movie continued on into the night. As it progressed, Summer started to stray away from her phone and back to the TV. Jerry was feeling nostalgic to the point where he excused himself to microwave some TV Dinners™, one for him, one for Summer. By the big climax of the film, the father-daughter duo were fully entranced in Corman's masterpiece, peaking at Peter Graves's closing speech…

_He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature... and because of it, the greatest in the universe. He learned too late for himself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can't be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. When men seek such perfection, they find only death... fire... loss... disillusionment... the end of everything that's gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can't be given, it has to be achieved! There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from man himself._

And finally, a well deserved bathroom break.


	11. Viking Women and the Sea Serpant

**Hi, you're reading the TFSyndicate Turkey Day Countdown! This is a turkey baster. Everything is permitted within the boundaries of Thanksgiving.**

* * *

_Meanwhile back at the ranch…_

"Yes, _A Day at the Races_ was willfully accepted as a worthy spiritual successor to _A Night at the Opera_," said Jack Perkins at the table, "But I believe _At the Circus_ would've made a wonderful trifecta, had it done better at the box office that it did."

"What do you mean _Circus_ was worse than _Races_?" Randal challenged, "They both got 100% on Rotten Tomatoes! I'd gladly watch then over _Opera_'s 97%!"

"Randal," scolded Dante, "You can't base everything on Rotten Tomatoes ratings. Look at IMDB: They give _Opera_ a 7.9, _Races _gets 7.6, _Circus _a measly 6.9."

"Oh, what do _you_ know, Dante?"

"That's what Google's for."

"Yes, I have to agree with Mr. Hicks," said the critic plant, "_A Night at the Opera_ is by far the superior of the Marx Brothers' MGM films. Now the Paramount films, that's another story. While I myself have yet to see _Monkey Business_ and _Horse Feathers_, I _can _tell you that, by comparison with each other, _Coconuts _is borderline dud, _Animal Crackers_ is okay if you're only watching for the famous bits, and _Duck Soup_ has high points all across the board."

"I'll believe you when CinemaSins gets round to doing them," said Randal.

* * *

*DING DONG*

Dr. Forrester, having nothing better to do anymore now that his experiment is ruined, sulkily went to the door to answer it. For all he knew, it was probably one of Frank's friends invited to his Thanksgiving dinner. Perhaps it was another batch of unconscious test subjects bound for the simulator. When Dr. Forrester opened the door, he saw that it was much worse. It wasn't a Frank guest. It certainly wasn't a test subject either.

It was his mother.

Pearl Forrester walked right past Clayton…and over to TV's Frank, who welcomed her with opened arms. Typical.

"FRANK! So good to see you!"

"Ah, Mrs. Forrester," said Frank, "Why, you've changed a _lot_!"

"Well, that's what time travel does to you!" Pearl chuckled.

"Time travel is dumb!" yelled Rick from the dining room: he took the words out of Forrester's mouth.

"Amazing!" Frank continued, "You know, I haven't seen you in like a year!"

"To you, it's only a year. To me, it's been four. I've been to the end of time and back again, and I've bought some minions of my own on my travels!"

Dr. Forrester groaned, "Oh no. Not _more_ guests!"

"Clay, Frank, I'd like you to meet Professor Bobo and Observer, but you can call him Brain Guy!"

The two additional guests in question entered and wiped their feet. Forrester wasn't sure how to greet them: one was a human-sized ape, the other a pale man with his own brain in the dish being carried in his hands.

"Uh…Welcome to Deep 13, in the year X+1…May I take your…brain?"

"Oh come now," said the Observer, "It's my brain, not a coat. Besides, I don't even have a body!"

"Then what's this?"

"Drop it, Clay," said Pearl.

From dining room emerged another Pearl, the Crystal Gem™ Pearl.

"Is everything all right out here?" She asked, "I made pie!"

"Pumpkin or apple?" Said the mother Pearl.

"…Yes. I'm not having any."

"Well neither am I..."

Pearl Forrester clenched her arm into a fist and punched the alien Pearl in the gem, poofing her.

"…Cause I bought my own!" She picked up the pearl gem that fell onto the floor and tossed it to Rick, "Hey Sanchez, think fast!"

"So Clayton," said Pearl, finally acknowledging her son's existence, "Are you still showing bad movies to ol' sleepy-eyes and those bots of his?"

"How do you know about them, Mother?"

"Because _I_ continued the experiments long after your death! What a rotten thing to do, leaving your _mother_ to do all the dirty work! So how's the experiment?"

"Well, uh… Frank rerouted the signals, subjecting my movies to the masses, and then I had a brilliant idea of kidnapping them, putting them into simulators and making them live in my movies. But as you can see, it…uh…sorta fell flat."

He gestured to the guests in the dining room.

"Well change the signals _back_. I got just the film that'll make ol' sleepy-eyes and those bots tick! It's called _Viking Women and the Sea Serpent_, and it stinks like hell!"

Pearl reached into her purse and pulled out a videocassette. It was a betamax.

"Oh. Okay, Mother. FRANK!"

"No, don't bother with him," said Pearl, "Brain Guy, reset the signals, and put this movie on."

"With pleasure, Pearl."

The Observer shook his head for a moment, a creepy organ riff sounding as he did so. In a blink, the tape was out of Pearl's hand and the signals aimed back at the Satellite of Love.

"This will certainly set Joel off guard," Dr. Forrester admitted, "I sorta gave him some time off from watching those bad movies when Frank diverted the signal."

"Speaking of which, Dr. F," said TV's Frank, "How _are_ Joel and the bots doing?"

"I don't know, Frank. Let's link to their Cambot and find out, shall we?"

Dr. Forrester sat down at his computer and pushed a few buttons. Eventually, he got a clear image of the Satellite of Love's bridge. Two or three robots fidgeted around the area like badly manipulated puppets, but nothing much otherwise. Therein was a problem. Where was Joel? Dr. Forrester came up with the only conclusion he could draw.

"He's _gone_!"


	12. Hercules Against the Moon Men

**Hi, you're up to Day 12 of the TFSyndicate Turkey Day Countdown. Thanks for hanging in there with us!**

* * *

Crow and Servo were having the time of their lives. It's been 11 days since the last time they were sent a bad movie by the Mads. They didn't suspect anything was amiss down below, and frankly, they didn't care. It was only yesterday that the Movie Sign came back to life, forcing them to not only watch the movie as per usual, but also to reset the DAYS WITHOUT BAD MOVIES sign back to 0. To be honest, not everything was fun 'n' games aboard the Satellite of Love, as there was only one question on everyone's mind. Where was Joel?

"You mean he didn't tell you where he was going?" said Servo.

"Why? Do _you _know?" Said Crow.

"Nope! I'm as puzzled as you are!"

Red lights on the panel and above the doors started flashing. That could only mean one thing: The Mads were calling. The two robots struggled to tap the panel light to answer the call, as their arms didn't work as good as they used to. Come to think of it, their arms never really worked at all!

As expected, they were connected to Dr. Forrester and his lackeys and his lackeys' dinner guests.

"Good morning, chrome domes!" said the mad doctor, "I trust you've had a fine 11 day vacation, because we've got a lot of catching up to do!"

"WHAT?!" Crow looked past his captor to see the guests in the background, "You threw a Thanksgiving dinner filled with complete strangers? And WE WEREN'T INVITED?!"

"Hey!" Said Dr. Forrester in defense, "I'm a mad scientist! What do you expect?"

"You're not a mad scientist, you're a dickweed!"

"Oh, shut up, the both of you. Now listen, we're putting your back on your one-movie-a-day program, and there may be a double feature or two to make up for the days you missed."

The robots groaned.

"You can worry about that later. First thing's first: Where's Joel?"

"We haven't the foggiest idea," said Servo, "We found an escape pod on the satellite, and he just…took off!"

"Yeah," added Crow, "The Deus Ex Machina could be anywhere on Earth! So like _hell_ we know where he is! For all we know, he could've changed his name and cut his hair, just so you can't find him! _We_ sure can't!"

Dr. Forrester put his palm to his face.

"You haven't heard the last of this," he threatened, "I'll find him, and when I do, it's back up to space!"

Suddenly, TV's Frank appeared behind him.

"Hey, Dr. F, didn't you say something about implanting a tracking device into Joel in case this ever happened?"

"Frank, you're a genius!" said Dr. F, cutting the transmission to the Satellite.

* * *

Steven was, from his spot at the table, the closest to Dr. Forrester's computer. He peeked over at what he was typing in, and there he saw it: the last known whereabouts of this mysterious…'Joel Robinson'. And then, he saw it. This Joel character was somewhere in…_Beach City_! Quickly, he pulled out his smartphone and called someone he _knew_ should hear about this.

"Hello? Ronaldo?"

"STEVEN!" He heard on the other end, "Thank the _maker_ you're still alive!"

"Yeah, yeah. Listen, you remember the other day when you believed there was a mad scientist controlling the TV airwaves, making us watch bad movies?"

"Yeah! What? Does he have you held hostage?"

"No, not anymore…I think, I dunno. We're enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner held by one of his minions…I think."

"Where are you?"

"I don't know, some place called uh…Deep 13. Do you know anything about it?"

"Sorry," said Ronaldo, "That's a new one."

"Anyway, they're looking for someone called Joel Robinson, he was last spotted in Beach City, and the rumor is that he changed his name to hide from his captors."

"I'll keep an eye out for him, Steven! You can count on me!"

* * *

_Meanwhile in Beach City_

Ronaldo set out to search for clues of this mysterious Joel Robinson character. He started with computer research. Apparently Joel was one of those Gizmocrat guys who could build robots out of just about anything. Bowling pins, gumball machines, baby car seats, you name it. Then he got shot into space by his employer, the evil Dr. Clayton Forrester, who forced him to watch bad movies on a spaceship with the handle 'Satellite of Love'. Ronaldo found a good-looking picture of the sleepy-eyed test subject, and printed it on a 4x6 glossy. He was disappointed, though, as this wasn't much of the conspiracy that he originally envisioned.

Nevertheless, Ronaldo got what he wanted. Now he had to tell somebody about hit. His first stop was the office of Mayor Nenefua. It was a little weird going to see the new mayor. He was more comfortable with good 'ol Bill Dewey. Nevertheless, he persisted.

"Mayor Nanefua!," Ronaldo said, showing here the glossy of Joel, "I've been told this man was spotted in the area! Have you seen him?"

Nanefua cleaned her glasses and took the picture from Ronaldo's hand. She looked at it once, then away, then once again, and laughed.

"Ronaldo, you silly boy," said Nanefua, "This is Dewey!"

"What? NO! That guy's named Robinson! He's in hiding and I wanna help him!"

"Well, I can't help you," said the mayor, "Why not show the picture to Dewey himself and let him gawk at the resemblance."

Ronaldo, displeased with the lack of progress, took the picture back from Nanefua and left the office. Maybe he _should_ show it to ol' Bill. He set off in the direction of Big Donut, where Bill Dewey was working now.

"Hey, Mayor Dewey," said Ronaldo.

"Please, Ronaldo," said Bill, "I'm not the mayor anymore. You can call me Donut Boy Dewey now!"

"Well to me, and to all of us, you'll always be Mayor Dewey."

They chuckled.

"ANYWAY," Ronaldo cleared his throat, "What do you know about a guy called…Joel Robinson?"

Bill Dewey was stunned.

"Where did you hear that name?"

"Steven was kidnapped by a mad scientist for an experiment, and now the scientist is looking for this Joel guy."

Ronaldo gave Dewey the picture. A heavy weight of silence filled the air. Then Dewey went to the front door and locked it.

"Joel Robinson?" he said with a dramatic pause, "That's a name I haven't heard in a _long _time."

"Well?" Ronaldo got excited, "Do you _know _him?"

Donut Boy Dewey said nothing. He took off is uniform Big Donut t-shirt, revealing a red jumpsuit with a GIZMOCRAT badge underneath. He pulled on the bald spots in his hair and peeled them off, showing off a full head of hair. Ronaldo was awestruck.

Donut Boy Bill Dewey _was_ Joel Robinson!

"I've been hiding under this dumb t-shirt and this pocket mohawk of mine long enough," said Joel, "If Dr. Forrester is looking for me, then I might as well answer the call and get back to doing what made me a man! Because _that's_ what Robinsons do!"

* * *

While Joel exited the building through the back door, Ronaldo pulled out his phone and gave Steven a call.

"Steven? Ronaldo! I found him—and he's coming back!"

Back at Deep 13, Dr. Forrester, who tapped the call using _his_ phone, rejoiced.

"He's caving, Frank!" he said to his minion, "We've won!"

"What do we do now, Boss?" said Frank.

"Celebrate the only way we know! A movie! _Hercules Against the Moon Men_!"

"Or you could join us for my Thanksgiving dinner. I saved you some turkey!"

Clayton stood up and prepared to slap Frank in the face, but Pearl intervened.

"Oh no you don't," she said, "You're not harming my sweetheart while _I'm_ in the picture!"

"Sorry, Mother. C'mon, Frank. Let's go have that dinner of yours."


	13. Eegah

**Hey everybody! It's the last chapter of the Turkey Day crossover fanfic. Let's sit back and enjoy—we've earned it!**

* * *

The tracking device implanted in Joel by the Mads indicated that he was finally approaching Gizmonic Institute, but the Mads themselves had bigger problems of their own. On the dinner table were the likes of, among others, Dante Hicks, Randal Graves, Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaren, Rick Sanchez, Morty Smith, a plant with a taste for classical music and Jack Perkins, all asleep in their chairs—no doubt a side effect of the L Tryptophan in the turkey. Typical.

Dr. Forrester, TV's Frank and the Crystal Gems (their Pearl finally reformed) used Rick's portal gun to generate a portal, first to Beach City to allow for the Crystal Gems to carry Steven and Connie home safely and quickly. Another portal opened up to the Sanchez-Smith residence, with Rick and Morty placed on the couch before the TV. Hopefully, thought Dr. F, they'll think they slept through that Interdimensional Cable of theirs when they wake up. As for the others (Perkins, the critic plant and the two clerks from New Jersey), Dr. Forrester tasked mother Pearl, Bobo and the Observer with carrying them up the elevator to ground level, and hire them a taxi ride home. The three found Joel and escorted him down to Deep 13.

"Joel," said Dr. Forrester upon his arrival, "I _knew_ you'd come crawling back sooner or later!"

"_Just_ a moment, Dr. Forrester," said Joel, "I came here on my own accord. If you're gonna send me back up there to watch more bad movies, I have a list of demands for _you_ to follow. Otherwise, the deal's off."

Dr. Forrester grunted, "Joel, I never liked you. Why do you think I shot you into space to begin with?"

He turned to see his mother holding a blackjack, ready to sock somebody.

"Clayton," Pearl threatened, "Do what Joel wants… or Bobo gets it."

"Go ahead. _Spank_ the monkey. What do I care?"

"And then _you're_ next!"

The Observer chuckled in his usual highbrow way.

"You too, Brain guy!"

"What did _I_ do?" The Observer queried.

"You laughed," Pearl turned to her son, "It's hard to find good help, even in the future"

Dr. Forrester sighed, "All right, Joel. What are your conditions?"

"First," said Joel, "You give me weekends off to spend time with family. Second, I would like to be paid for doing this. And third, I get to choose every fifth movie."

"Every _tenth_."

"Deal."

They shook hands.

"Remember," said Joel, "You're dealing with a Robinson!"

"Are you _threatening_ me?"

"What do _you_ think, sirs?"

And with that, Joel stepped in a capsule, all set to shuttle him into space, back on board the Satellite of Love.

* * *

"Hey, guys!"

Greeting Joel were the robots of his own design.

"AHHHHH! Joel's back! Joel's back! Joel's back!" They happy-cried.

"Boy, you've got a lot of explaining to do!" Said Crow.

"Wha?"

"I'm _joking_! That's what I do, remember?"

"Joel," said Servo, "You wanna see the new improvements I made on my hoverskirt?"

"Joel," said Crow, "Come and read the new screenplay I wrote!"

"Later, kids," said Joel to his 'children', gesturing to the red light flashing on the panel, "Han Solo and Chewie are calling!"

They were put through to Deep 13. The first voice they heard was Professor Bobo ("Chewie? I hope they weren't referring to me!") before Dr. Forrester appeared front and center.

"Welcome back, Joel-in-the-box. I trust you've had a safe trip up and had some time to get reacquainted with your old surroundings. Frank will be sending you up some leftover turkey, mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, and I will be sending your first movie in well over X years: _Eegah_."

Behind him, Frank prepared a take-out container to send to Joel.

"Hey! Where's the cranberry sauce?"

A loud burp came from the other side of the room, from Bobo.

"Okay, no sauce," Dr. F clarified, "And before we begin, let us all say to the folks at home…"

At that moment, Dr. Forrester found himself gathered with Pearl, TV's Frank, Bobo and the Observer.

"**_…HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE!_** Push the button, Frank."

And back on board the Satellite of Love came the familiar buzzing and flashing that Joel hadn't heard in years, which meant only one thing.

They had Movie Sign™.


End file.
